omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
