So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
