I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
