u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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