Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
