Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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