I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
