I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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