So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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