Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
