i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
