The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
