A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
