i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
