he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
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