I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
