its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
