Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
