Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
