Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
