trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
