White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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