Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
