Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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