Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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