Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
