So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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