So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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