dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
