sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
