guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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