I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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