I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
