When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
