Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
farters have to be the big spoon...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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