I accidentally burped into my bong.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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