You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we made out on top of his cat.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
True strength comes from lack of pants
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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