You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
