You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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