i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
