When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
