Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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