I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
