I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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