(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
