.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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