Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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