i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
