my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
