Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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