I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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