i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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