D3 body, D1 cock
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
