btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
