Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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