you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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