were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
