I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
