when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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