Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
